Once upon a time there was a hopeless romantic with a very sensitive side, but not a pushover by any means.  He was best friends with a badass tough guy who was genuinely a nice guy, except of course to anyone who dares to be disrespectful to his friends.  Badass always got on Romantic's case about letting women have such a strong control over him, his answer was, 'If I didn't I would never know how to love completely and I would be like you.' As good friends as they were, they were so far removed from each other in personality.  So Badass' response was kicking Romantic's ass everytime he let someone walk all over him.  Romantic of course held his ground, but not used to fighting, got his ass whooped.  This became a very strong love and hate relationship...They had strong mutual respect for each other, but when Badass got out of hand Romantic kept him in check and vice versa.  For a very long time this worked out quite well, until Romantic met this one special girl.  Romantic was always meeting special girls, but only took a chance on ones who seemed to be in love with the idea of love rather than ones who were in love with him.  Badass was quite the opposite, dating often and flirting with every girl that came his way, but, seeing how happy his friend was, he let this one go.

Romantic became so engulfed in this love he had for this special girl that he lost himself in the relationship.  Not only that but he pretty much cut off all other relationships, by not maintaining anything but his spark with this special girl.  Badass kind of got left out and seemed to have lost his best friend, so he just became more angry and disappointed.  Romantic had his little love for a few years, a tough tough love to maintain, being it was with a girl who loved the idea more than Romantic himself.  Romantic was blinded by this for years, but had so much hope and love for her that he didn't want to admit it, nor did he want to stop it.  But eventually nothing ever happens the way you want it to.  Afterwards Romantic found himself alone and quite disorganized in his life, financially, mentally, socially, emotionally, spiritually, everything.  Jaded by lost love Romantic wantded to follow the model Badass exhibited and failed horribly.  Not only could he even start talking to women, his heart wasn't in it, and could not be tricked into such a shallow existence.  So he seeked Badass' friendship once again, who was nowhere to be found.

One late weekend after a long long week, Romantic found Badass alone in a bar, but he wasn't the same.  He was just a bitter shell of a man.  Having lost his best friend his shallow ventures became visible and left no more joy in pursuit.  Knowing he had something solid and genuine a friendship made his player days seemed justified, but going out alone night after night had its toll.  Romantic tried to cheer his friend up, but being handicapped with a half and heavy heart, it was like swimming upstream with several boulders rolling down as if the treacherous water wasn't enough.  Badass saw his broken down friend and realized he needed to be that strong pillar of support for his friend, but having felt loneliness and finding nothing to replace his old happiness with, he too had half a heart.  These old friends couldn't think of anyway they could help each other.  Clearly they both needed to be out and be themselves, that was the tough part.  Everything before was easily brushed off before, nothing was serious.  This time was different.

They shared stories for a while and caught up.  Romantic heard that Badass did find a quality girl, a few actually.  However his reputation and his lack of trust made him slow to move and eventually those girls moved on without him.  His problem was he was constantly flirting and dating and had a hard time discerning the women who loved him and those who loved his suave and style.  Both show quite an exorbent amount of attraction to him, but the difference between the women the ones who truly loved him care about his well being and those who love his style just like being entertained by his antics.  The lost loves made Badass quite the resentful and regretful man.  He was angry at himself for not being more aware of what he was doing and even madder that he didn't do anything about it until it was too late.  Romantic calmed him saying, no point in dwelling in the past, but also half telling himself that.  Romantic was also a philosophical man and enjoyed conversations with strangers, he shared something he heard from an old man he met on public transportation, saying not to regret, because at one point, it was exactly what you wanted.  This odd yet practical advice perked Badass up a bit.  He had to agree, the chase is what thrilled him so much before, but he just didn't have the foresight to do anything about the shallow aspect, until now.

Somehow it was the same story for Romantic.  Badass inquired what he had been doing since they lost contact.  So Romantic told his story.  He had fallen in love with that special girl from years back.  Badass reminded him he knew that and it was the after that part he was interested in.  Romantic retold his experience with such nostalgia that it was as if he was reliving every dream, every smell of her, every sight, every feeling she invoked.  She was a great girl, but not for him.  They were on such different levels, and he longed for her to meet up with him, if even halfway.  But in the end you can't help who you love.  It would make life too easy to fall in love with the person you are most compatible with.  When everything else says yes but you're heart, it means no.  That's not to say you follow your heart blindly, which is what Romantic felt he did.  He didn't intentionally lose his friends, they pretty much warned him and he paid heed to an extent.  When people realized he was immovable in his love quest, they simply dropped out of his life.  It was more of a side effect.  Badass felt for him, and decided he made the right choice so many years ago, by not interferring.  Romantic had to learn how hard it hurts.  Badass was a great observer and saw this coming years ago, seeing Romantic constantly wearing his heart on his sleeve but never thinking about how badly it would be if the girl hurt him, unintentionally.  Romantic could always rebound from his ex's, that was of course because he had reason to.  This one was special, she didn't do anything wrong, but not love him.  That being a very wrong thing, you still cannot teach someone to love you, they either do, or they don't.

Badass and Romantic both shared the same ultimate flaw.  One loved to flirt and conquer women but didn't know how to love and see those that truly loved him.  The other knew how to open up and actually love women, but didn't know how to hold himself back in case the love was not reciprocated.  They both put in the energy into things that weren't for them.  They also neglect the things around them that are good for them.  Never again.

Both broken down men decide to make a pact.  To keep each other in check, when one is getting too reckless with women and needs to be grounded down to earth, or when one gets too lost in a love cloud and also needs to be grounded down to earth, it will be no one's responsibility but himself.  That's what I plan to do.  Have more respect for myself, have more pride in who I am, and not let someone else control the happiness in my life.  Unless of course she's the one, then all bets are off, in which case, I hope I'm right, because if im not, then I just might die from a broken heart.

I'll ramble more about my random thoughts.

List of chapters: Women, Love/Romance, Friends, Drinking, Art, Hobbies, Life Goals, just a few to start.

Several of the chapters of my life's book will be on women, those that walked into it and left a beautiful footprint that will never cease to make me smile, and those with heavier feet and left massive craters that make the imagined tumors in my head throb to no end.  But mostly the first one, because most of the women I've come across, regardless of how they've interacted with me, even the bad ones, were quite a positive experience, I smile thinking of all the girls that have been mad at me and then remember all the sweet memories of when they laughed with me and more importantly momentarily paused my existence and drew me into theirs.

Love, my favorite philosopher on love is Albert Einstein, a man of many talents, the most important to me being his ways of simplifying such a complex and non scientific matter into the most simple yet most sensible words I've ever read.  Music, memories, emotions, scent, all plays an important role into my recollections of love, and the value I place on it.  It used to be my drive in life, now learning to love life and not live for love is something I'm slowly transitioning into.  I thank all the romantic influences that I've encountered for making me who I am, even when I forget and lose myself.  All the fantasy movies that romantisize love and relationships, thank you for setting the bar so high and seemingly fake, but not impossible that I may strive to be that one in a lifetime type of person that truly finds happiness in love.  Even if I don't, wouldn't matter, because if anyone has truly felt love knows that it's worth experiencing, the aftermath, that is up to debate.

Friends, those old and new and close and far, thank you, and I hate you as well.  But I mean that with the upmost sincerity, because those I hold in regard as a real friend, you are still a friend, even if we get mad at each other, if you weren't then it wasn't genuine enough for me, in which case I wouldn't have called you a friend.  I always enjoy catching up with friends, real friends, because I chose them as a friend for a reason and I enjoy something about that person if not many, which makes being around them simply nice.

Drinking, I love this.  I'm not an alcoholic, nor do I enjoy throwing up my stomach for a whole day, nor do I enjoy drinking from peer pressure or binge drinking or anything negative that comes with it.  I like to get drunk and stay there, with a smile in the background.  With people, by myself, as long as I feel like drinking I will.  If I don't feel like it, I don't.  I thank a friend for giving me a flask and my blood for being able to handle such extreme amounts of alcohol to further enjoy the experience.  Wine, beer, liquor, the part of the food pyramid that no one bothered to mention, probably because someone like myself drank it already.

Art, an expression of the mind, body, and soul.  That about sums it up, in all mediums.  There could be two identical paintings or songs even, and as long as when the person made it, they enjoyed doing so and it meant something to them, I consider that art.  If it meant something like money I don't consider that art, intentions are the differences between a man of honor and lesser man, to which no one knows except the man/woman for all the feminists out there.

Hobbies, I have many enough to say I have none.

Life goals, hopefully, most likely I will never finish even half of them.  Hopefully I live that long that I have that many, which would explain why I don't finish half of them or that I live short and sweet and that too would explain them.  Reason being, there would be no reason for being if I ran out of them.

Sleep.